


Nunc Ergo Amare Liceat

by Styles_Tomlinson_123



Category: Little Mix (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Death, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Humor, If You Squint - Freeform, M/M, Sadness, Smut, Top!Harry, Ziall Horlik, bottom!Louis, homeless!louis, larry stylinson - Freeform, rich!Harry, sugar baby!louis, sugar daddy! harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-26
Updated: 2014-02-26
Packaged: 2018-01-13 19:43:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1238605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Styles_Tomlinson_123/pseuds/Styles_Tomlinson_123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis; a homeless nineteen year old who's only ever heard 'goodbye' and loves the feel of rain on his heated skin.</p><p>Harry; a spoiled rich twenty-three year old who wishes homeless trash would stop cluttering the streets of London.</p><p>Two people meet and hate, love, anger, and sadness arise and these two find themselves never wanting their old life again.</p><p>Too bad not every love story has a happy ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nunc Ergo Amare Liceat

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so happy with how this turned out, oh my goodness. when i started this, i was not even planning on it being this long. this has taken a little over two weeks to finish and i'm so happy with the final product.
> 
> hope you like it!
> 
> -emi

_good·bye_

_/go͝odˈbī/_  
_exclamation_  
_used to express good wishes when parting or at the end of a conversation._  
_synonyms: farewell, adieu, au revoir, ciao, adios; bye, bye-bye, so long, see you later, see you, sayonara; bon voyage; cheers;_ informal _toodle-oo_  
_antonyms: hello_

_\--_

"Goodbye."

If anything was constant in Louis's life, it would be this word; goodbye. He'd heard it far too often to consider it anything other than normal now. He remembers the first time he heard to mean something anything other than ' _see you later_ '.

_Louis was two. He hadn't yet learned the meaning of the world, let alone what it meant to truly say goodbye to someone, know they'll never see you again._

_He heard arguing in the front entry way, maybe a little begging. Whatever it was, it scared Louis. He padded to where his parents were, only to see him mum and dad at the door, his dad's suitcase tight in his hand. When they heard a noise, they saw little Louis standing there, sucking his pacifier and watching them with wide blue eyes._

_"If not for me, then for Louis," his mum whispered to his dad._

_"I can't Sara, I'm sorry," he whispered before he squat down with his arms open wide for Louis to run into. And he did. He ran to his daddy and into his chest, causing him to stand up and set Louis on his hip. "I'm gonna miss you bud," he whispered._

_Louis pulled back and touched his dad's face, the unasked question ringing loud in the air._

_"I'm sorry Lou, I love you. Goodbye."_

_He was set down and with one last kiss on his forehead, his dad left him standing in the doorway without another word._

Louis remembered that day clearer than he thinks he should. But he thinks about it often. His heart clenches at the memory of his father leaving two year old him standing on the doorstep, wondering where his daddy was going and when he'd be back.

His next goodbye was half-expected. His grandmother was battling a long battle of lung cancer. Louis was six at the time, but he remembered the day like he was still there, still holding his grandmother's cold, lifeless hand.

_"Grandma are you gonna be alright?" Louis asked, his small voice loud in the empty hospital room. He was scared. He's never been in a hospital, and now he was here, alone in his grandmother's room while his mum ran to use the bathroom quick._

_She gave him a small smile. "Only if you'll believe I will Lou. But please remember that I'll always be with you and I'm always watching over you. I love you Louis, and I'm not scared to say goodbye."_

_Louis kissed his grandmother's cheek as a smile filled her face. He gently held her hand while her breathing slowed to a stop. He remembers just staring at her, almost willing for her to wake up and skip rope with him like she used to, but it was no use, she was gone._

That was also the first time he's experienced death. He remembered his mum crying for days on end and stream of aunts, uncles, and cousins all streaming in as they all grieved together. But Louis was numb to it all.

He was the youngest, so it wasn't like he anybody to play with. The younger one before him was ten years older than him. Louis was an accident to both his mum and his father. They were told she couldn't conceive a child, so when he came along, they were ecstatic. At least it seemed that way. Until his dad wanted more children and his mum couldn't give him anymore, causing him to walk out on them both.

He was spoiled though. Very much so. But not that day. He went to his favorite aunt who would always give him candy, only to be turned away as she cried into her husband's shoulder. Louis tried getting anybody's attention, he hated being ignored. But as he tried his mum, she snapped at him and told him he was being selfish. Couldn't he see that now wasn't an appropriate time to be a pest?

He remembered his eyes filling with tears. He's never been yelled at. When his mum saw, she tried apologizing, but he only turned and ran to his room, slamming it and locking it behind him.

He didn't come out for the rest of the day.

At the age of ten, he remembered his mum driving him somewhere, a suitcase packed full in the backseat behind them. He remembered his mum helping him take it inside an unknown building and watching all the kids there watch him with sad eyes. They know what's happening to him, even if he doesn't.

He remembered going into a room where there was three other kids already staying there, once again watching him with sad eyes. Then he remembered his mum saying he loved him and this was for the best. He remembered most of all the goodbye that followed and never seeing her again.

He'd been dropped off at an orphanage.

He then went in and out of homes, all as shitty as the last. By the time he turned eighteen, he'd never found a proper home and never was adopted. He had no one. He was too old to stay at the orphange, but too poor to rent a cheap flat in the outskirts of town. He sold all of his possessions, only keeping the clothes on his back as he lived on the cold streets of a busy London area.

He watched people pass him by on the street, not paying any attention to him. He's got enough money to buy food for about a month if he uses it wisely. He still puts out a cup though, it's plastic and cracked, but it works. And people still put money in it, not much and not many people, but it's still something.

He's always cold. The chill from the English weather seeping into him and chilling him. His t-shirt is ratty now, holes in it from wind, rain, and snow. His trousers have holes too, but they're still wearable. He's asked why he just doesn't some cheap, new clothes from the local thrift store to wear and throw away his old ones. He said it'd take up too much of his money for food and he's barely managing as it is.

He's seen all the looks; sympathy, hatred, anger, sadness. Name an emotion and he's probably seen it.

It's tiring living on the streets, but it's not like he had anywhere else to go. And nobody was hiring, leaving him jobless and cold as water seeps in through the thin material of his worn jeans. He's asked if he's ever tired of it, living on the streets. He always looks at them, never responding, not for a bit anyway. Eventually, he looks away and whispers, "of course I am, but it's not like I have a choice" into the cold autumn wind.

By the time he was nineteen, he's been on the streets for two years. He knew what it took to get money, but he hated begging. He had always been kind like that. Never taking what he doesn't deserved or more than he needed.

He walked down the street with his head downcast, not wanting to see people's different reactions to him. He needs to shave, he knows that. He's almost got a bushy beard. As he walked, he passed a 'help wanted' sign and someone almost runs into him from his sudden stop. He pulls the door open quickly and walked inside. It smells like old books and Febreze, but to him, it's heavenly.

His feet pad quietly along the soft forest green carpet as he walked to the back where he sees a counter.

"Excuse me," he said, his soft voice piercing the air of the quiet bookshop, and capturing the attention of and capturing the attention of someone in the back room.

The person entered with a look of a mix of disgust and sympathy filling her features. "May I help you?" she asked, giving him a once over.

Louis blushed, "I, um, I saw the 'help wanted' sign in the window and was wondering if I could apply..."

She sighed, "I'm not the boss, let me get my mum."

With a turn on her heel, she walked to the back to fetch her mum. The only problem being is, she never came back. So there he stood, waiting for somebody, _anybody_ , to return. And he stayed there until he was told it was time to leave, for they would be closing.

"Please sir, I need a job and I came in here t-to talk to someone, but they left me standing here," he tried begging, only to get the door shut in his face.

Louis sighed, he was used to this treatment. He was a hobo, how else would he get treated? He walked down the street more, night falling as he walked, leaving him in the soft glow of the streetlamps. The first time he felt it, he thought it was just water falling off a nearby tree. But then it grew and grew until there was a steady downpour falling on his person.

Louis couldn't find it in himself to care anymore. If he got sick, he got sick. It's not like he had a job to call in sick for and worry if he would still have it when he returned.

\--

_rain_

_/rān/_  
_noun_  
_moisture condensed from the atmosphere that falls visibly in separate drops._  
_synonyms: rainfall, precipitation, raindrops, wet weather; drizzle, shower, rainstorm, cloudburst, torrent, downpour, deluge, storm_

\--

As he continued on his late night stroll, he all but ran someone over as he walked. Quickly apologizing, his breath caught in his throat as he caught the sight of bright green eyes.

"Fucking hobo, watch it will ya?" green eyes growled, causing Louis to shrink back in fright.

"S-sorry," he stuttered.

"Yeah, well I don't fucking care. Trash like you need to be off the streets."

"I-it's n-not lik-ke I-I ha-ve-ve a c-choice-e," Louis stuttered again, cursing at the fact he couldn't talk straight to the man due to not only the cold rain, but the fear that pulsated through his veins.

All of a sudden, Louis was pushed onto the hard concrete as the man passed. He felt his bum hit the wet sidewalk and he looked up with wide eyes, already beginning to water. He was lucky the rain had masked the tears, but that didn't prevent the man hovering about him to have a dark smirk grow onto his face.

"Well. We have a cry baby now, do we? I thought trash was supposed to be tough considering they lived on the streets. Look's like I was wrong and let me assure you, I never am," he said, causing Louis to shake in fear.

"W-what are y-y-you gon-nna d-do?"

"Nothing, for now. If I see you again, I will do something," he said darkly before walking off into the night, his umbrella hovering over him as he walked.

Louis stood up again and bit his lip, turning and walking away with his head hanging low. He loved walking in the rain. The feel of the cool drops falling onto his heated skin, the way it slid down his cheeks and calmed him, soothed him. Whenever it was raining, he felt at peace with the world and he actually felt loved. He doesn't remember the last time anyone ever said "I love you" to him.

This particular night, the rain helped him forget the encounter with the man on the street. Sure, he's been called trash or even scorned at, but he's never been afraid of the person who called him that. He'd usually shrug it off.

He just didn't understand why the man hated him so much. It wasn't like he chose to live on the streets and be a bum. Life threw curve balls at you and that you never expect, but you follow them anyway.

He also didn't understand why his mum dropped him off at the orphanage. He remembers her saying it was for the best, but he never understood why. Life at home had been amazing, blissful. He remembers getting lots of candy every Halloween and a ton of gifts under the twinkling Christmas tree on Christmas morning. He remembers being sad because he watched his peers get parties for their birthdays and get lots of gifts while Louis couldn't have parties because his birthday fell on a holiday and families like to stay together. He could also remember only getting one or two gifts on his birthdays, but he never minded because he knew he would be receiving a lot the following morning.

Louis kicked a loose rocks on the cracked sidewalk, watching it skip along the wet concrete and land in a puddle not too far away. He sighed. How did life get from being so great to so bad that fast? He supposes it could've been after his grandma died. After that, he felt himself growing further and further from his mum and the rest of the family until he was finally given up for adoption.

He stopped at the end of the sidewalk, his head hanging low and sobs racking through his body. Maybe the man was right, he was nothing but trash. He had no one to live for and no one would miss him if he died. Maybe he should make it easier on everybody and just end it all. No more suffering and no more hurt.

He heard a car coming down the street, and he picked his head up. He eyed it before walking in front of it on the street and waiting for the impact. What he didn't expect, was for it to come to a screeching halt and he felt no impact. Not even a scratch.

"Holy shit! Are you alright?" a male voice came as he rushed over to him.

Louis couldn't answer, his chest heaving up and down at the thoughts racing through his mind.

"C'mon, let's take you home."

And that's when Louis broke.

"I don't have a home! I'm a worthless piece of trash that no one loves and no one wants!" Louis shouted, backing away from the man, "Why didn't you just hit me?! I could've helped this world get cleaner! No one would miss me! I'd end up in a nameless grave that no one visits!"

The other male stared at Louis with wide blue eyes. Finally, he sighed, "C'mon mate, you can live with me."

"W-what?" Louis asked quietly, "Why?"

"No one deserves to be a nameless grave," he responded, "I'm Niall."

"Louis," Louis whispered, "Thank you."

"No problem."

\--

_parasuicide_

_/parəˈsuːɪsʌɪd/_  
_noun_  
_apparent attempted suicide without the actual intention of killing oneself._

\--

Louis looked around the small flat with careful eyes. He wasn't used to being in a place with heat. He walked into what Niall told him to be his bedroom, claiming his flatmate Zayn just moved in with his girlfriend Perrie. Louis eyed the bed, wanting to sit on it, but too scared he'd end up dirtying it or, worse, breaking it somehow.

"I don't remember last time I had one," Louis whispered when he heard Niall enter the room.

"What? A king sized mattress?"

Louis shook his head, "A home."

They were both quiet a moment, the silence somewhat awkward. Louis could tell Niall didn't know how to respond, so he decided to talk.

"May I take a shower?"

"Oh yeah, of course. Just let me get you a towel and some clean clothes. I assume you don't wanna get back in those."

With a small smile, Louis shook his head. Niall flashed a smile and went off to somewhere else. Louis pinched himself to make sure this was all real and not some amazing dream. He didn't think he could handle that, if this was all a dream. His life was just starting to look up. Instead of being a hobo on the street, he would finally live in a house. No, correction. A _home_. Hopefully he wasn't getting used to all it too soon. He didn't wanna get his hopes up.

"Here ya go. Turn right for hot and left for cold," Niall said as he handed Louis the clothes and showed him the bathroom, "And here's a rag to get washed up with."

"Thank you," Louis said for what he thought could easily be the hundredth time that night.

Niall smiled, "You're welcome."

He walked out of the bathroom and locked it behind him. Louis quickly stripped and climbed into the porcelain tub, closing the white curtain over the long, metal pole and shielding himself from the rest of the bathroom. He turned the water on to where it was almost burning his skin. He smiled under the scalding spray, he hasn't taken a shower since he was at the orphanage and he really missed the feeling of being clean.

He grabbed the shampoo and washed his hair, watching the dirt fall and be sucked into the drain. After rinsing it, he decided to wash it again to get any and all dirt out. Next, he washed his body. He filled the rag with soap and lathered it all over his body, cleaning over every square inch at least twice.

When he got out of the shower, he felt refreshed and happy. He wasn't used to being happy. Frankly, he wasn't used to a lot of things, but if Niall was really letting him stay there, he supposed he should get used to it.

He got dressed into the clothes Niall provided and giggled when they were a bit baggy on him. He rolled the black skinny jeans up so his ankles showed and he smiled at the baggy band tee. He brushed his hair with the hairbrush in there and sighed when he didn't have a toothbrush.

He walked into the living room where Niall was sat on the couch and gently poked his shoulder. "Do you have a toothbrush I could use?" he asked quietly.

Niall turned around and nodded with a smile. "Yeah, just let me grab it."

Louis nodded and waited for Niall to return. While he waited, he let his hand gently touch the soft couch, smiling at the feeling. The only couch the orphanage had was old and ratty. This one wasn't. This one was soft and felt like silk under his fingers.

"Louis?"

Louis turned and smiled at Niall, who handed him the toothbrush.

"Thanks," he said quietly before walking back to the bathroom.

When he got in there, he globbed toothpaste on and brushed his teeth as thoroughly as he could. He tried brushing his teeth as often as he could while on the streets, but it wasn't as often as he'd like. He really needed to see the dentist and get his teeth cleaned, a few probably needed to be filled.

When he finished, he slipped it back into the packaging and set it on the counter to use tonight. Walking back into the living room, he froze when he heard voices by the door.

"Can you come another time? Tonight isn't really the best of times..."

"Come on babe! I miss you! I haven't been able to see you with my busy work schedule!"

"Zayn please. I'll call you and you can come over later."

"What are you hiding from me? You're not cheating on me are you?"

"What? Zayn, no! I'm just...I'm helping someone. Someone who really needs it."

"Please tell me you didn't pick up a hobo..."

"Zayn please."

"No Niall! As much as I love the thought of helping someone, you can't just take a random person home!"

"Well if someone stepped in front of your car saying he was just another nameless grave, what would you do?"

It was silent while the two thought it over. Louis was as still as a statue before there was movement again and suddenly, Louis wasn't alone in the living room.

"Hi, I'm Zayn," a tanned male with hazel eyes and quiffed hair as black as night came in and held out his hand. "Zayn Malik."

"Louis," Louis said, shaking his hand. "And if I remember correctly, my last name is Anders."

"Louis Anders," Zayn repeated with a small nod. "Pleasure to meet you."

"Likewise," Louis said with a small smile.

They all settled on the couch and Louis told them everything about himself that he could remember. He tried to forget his family while in the orphanage, but there were still memories that stayed. Memories like his dad leaving and being dropped off at the orphanage. By the end, both Niall and Zayn were looking at him with sad eyes.

"I've gotten used to it, so you don't have to stare at me like that," Louis said, breaking the silence.

Zayn chuckled, "Sorry. It's just...I'm sorry s'all."

Louis shrugged, "It's just something you learn to get used to. Good or bad, it's apart of life."

They continued to eye Louis until he blushed and fidgeted under their stares. He sighed and walked into the kitchen and looked in the cupboards for a glass and filled it with water, downing it all in one swig. He got another glass of water before he felt his stomach gurgle. He placed his hand on it, pressing down in an attempt to get it to stop.

Niall and Zayn walked in and they smiled at him before they moved about quickly, cooking something for dinner by the looks of it. The smell of eggs and bacon filled the air and Louis's mouth started to water. He poured himself a glass of orange juice as he waited, stomach starting to growl louder. Niall glanced a look over his shoulder and smirked at Louis as he cooked. Louis smiled sheepishly and took another sip.

Soon dinner was served and Louis sat at a table and a plate was put in front of him. He eyed it with grateful eyes while Zayn and Niall started eating.

"You ok?" Zayn asked.

Louis nodded, a wide smile on his face, "I can't remember the last time I've had a proper meal. I almost don't wanna eat it."

Both Zayn and Niall smiled. "Well," Zayn said, "You only get one helping until we can get you on a steady, normal diet. Don't wanna risk anything like overeating or something, yeah?"

Louis nodded and picked up his fork and stabbed an egg. He brought it up to his mouth and blew on it before eating it. He smiled widely and chewed it quietly. He quickly ate the rest of the eggs, bacon, and two pieces of toast, licking his fingers and lips after.

"'I'm tired," he announced, drinking the rest of his orange juice before bringing his dirty dishes to the sink and walking into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He brushed them quickly and quietly, the taste of mint filling his tastes and washing away the other tastes, like eggs and orange juice.

He walked into his bedroom and walked to the edge of the bed and gently touched it, smiling widely. He took his jeans off and his t-shirt, leaving him only in a pair of boxers. He pulled back the covers and slipped in, smiling at the softness of the mattress. He pulled the covers to his chin and turned on his side. Happy that, since he was ten, he wouldn't be sleeping on the streets or a lumpy mattress too small for his growing frame.

For once since he was ten, he was happy.

\--

_hap·pi·ness_

_/hapēnis/_  
_noun_  
_the state of being happy._  
_synonyms: pleasure, contentment, satisfaction, cheerfulness, merriment, gaiety, joy, joyfulness, joviality, jollity, glee, delight, good spirits, lightheartedness, well-being, enjoyment; exuberance, exhilaration, elation, ecstasy, jubilation, rapture, bliss, blissfulness, euphoria, transports of delight_

\--

When asked how he was or how he was feeling, Louis would usually reply with "happy". No one questioned him on it, they all knew to some degree of what Louis had been through and what's happening now. He lives with Niall in the small, two bedroom flat and spends his days getting used to home life again. It's been awhile since he's been in a place with decent furniture, so he waits until Niall is gone at work before getting a feel of all the things he hasn't seen in ages. Like the couches, the tables, the chair, pretty much anything.

But, that's not all he does. He sometimes sits on the couch, with either music playing from the stereo or the TV playing some reality show that Louis isn't even paying attention to, and scopes the internet. At times, he'll either be on BBC, or some website called Tumblr. He learns what Twitter and Facebook are, and quickly decides he doesn't like them. He wouldn't know who to follow on Twitter and he doesn't have anybody to friend on Facebook, so what's the point really?

Sometimes, he'll go on a website that has the name YouTube, and he'll search up songs he's either heard from the radio or that he remembers hearing when he was younger. Music is Louis's happy place, his own little sanctuary. With music, Louis can finally feel free.

Whenever Niall returns home from work, Louis will always ask him how he day went, or if anything interesting happened. Niall works at a local record shop and always comes home with the best stories. People who go into the store are usually hippies or just appreciate the older music. Louis wants to visit the store one day. He wants to see the old guys with mullets, or the young teens smile at the classics. He wants to smell the musky scent of old records and feel the dust under his fingertips. Frankly, he just wants to get out of the house.

So when Niall finally agreed to take him, Louis was ecstatic, but there was a condition. Niall had to take him to get new clothes because he needed to do laundry twice as often with Louis wearing his stuff. Louis agreed with a quick head nod and threw on a pair of dark blue jeans, white t-shirt, and a black jumper before slipping on an old pair of Niall's black combat boots.

They walked quietly on the sidewalk, the early morning sunrise just peaking over the horizon and filling the sky with various shades of yellow, orange, red, and pink. The early morning was still a bit nippy, so Louis was glad he had slipped on his jumper that morning.

Niall quickly unlocked the shop and led Louis to the back room. Louis smiled as his eyes scanned the many shelves in the shop. He smiled as he looked at the dust covered records and the worn beanbag chairs in the corner. It screamed homely and cozy.

Niall showed him to the back room where Louis was supposed to stay and was handed Niall's iPod to play on until he had something better to do for him. Louis felt like a little kid, but he played Flappy Bird until it was time for closing, managing to get a score of 120 on the iPod.

Niall looked tired and worn out, so Louis thought it best not to ask what happened. The whole walk there, Louis kept chancing glances over at Niall, like he was just gonna tell Louis what was wrong with him. But of course, he wouldn't and, of course, Niall just stayed silent, the wind blowing gently on his dyed blonde hair as they walked.

Louis's bright blue eyes scanned the area around them as they walked. The city wasn't too busy at this time of day in this area. Niall seemed to live in a poorer area, and yeah, that made sense to Louis because how else would he have found him? The buildings were old looking with moss growing in the cracks and graffiti covering every other square inch of any reachable spot. Some were just awful, but others were pretty and Louis loved looking at them.

When they arrived back at the complex, they took the lift up, too lazy to be bothered using the stairs. Niall was exhausted, but Louis was still bouncing on his toes full of energy.

"How come you didn't let me interact with the customers Niall? Were you too ashamed to say that you're letting a former hobo live in your house? What's wrong Niall? Are you alright?" so many questions flowed out of Louis's mouth, until...

"Would you shut up? God. I'm sick of having you hang all over me all the time," Niall snapped.

Louis stopped bouncing on his toes and pressed his thin lips together tightly. Tears collected in the corners of his eyes, but Niall didn't seem to care, he was tired.

When they made it to Niall's flat, Niall went to his room and fell face first onto his bed, falling fast asleep. Louis crept into his room and grabbed an old backpack, filling it with clothes, deorderant, his toothbrush, and some toothpaste. He also stuffed in his bag of money he's been saving into the bag. He slipped the bag onto his shoulder and walked into the kitchen and grabbed a pen and a piece of paper.

_'Niall,_

_Sorry for being such a bother to you, it's just I haven't been a store from the inside looking out. I guess I got a little excited._

_Thank you for letting me stay with you for the two months that I have stayed here, but I feel like I have overstayed my welcome._

_I hope you and Zayn live a long, happy life together._

_Love,_

_Louis_ '

Louis left quietly, tears falling steadily down his face. He always messed things up, he could never do things right. Yet another goodbye to add to his list, only this time, it wasn't said. But it hurt just as much.

Louis walked quickly down the sidewalk, the cool June breeze blowing on his and cooling him down. He kept his head low as he walked, running into a few people in his haste. He end up walking into the nicer part of town and he stopped on the corner when an arm shot out to prevent him from walking into oncoming traffic. He looked up and around him, taking in his surroundings. Was he even in London anymore? Wait, yes he was. He can see Big Ben not too far away.

When the signal announced they could cross, Louis stayed, earning some shoves and more than a few curse words, but he didn't care. He then quickly ran across the street and into a nearby alley, hugging the nearest wall and looking at the other side with wide eyes. He didn't know why he was here and if he stayed here to live on the streets, surely the cops would be called and he'd be arrested for cluttering the streets.

He steadied himself and walked down the street calmly, looking at all the businesses and taking in the scenery. He saw a 'help wanted' sign in a window across the street and waited until he was allowed to to cross the street and enter into the small bakery.

It smelled like coffee beans and fresh baked cupcakes, causing Louis to smile at the Vanilla scent. He walked up to the counter and smiled at a girl behind the counter with bright purple hair with a nametag that read 'Perrie'.

 Louis smiled at her, "I saw the 'help wanted' sign and I'd like to apply."

Perrie beamed, "Great! You're hired!"

"Wait, don't I need to fill out an application...?"

"We've been swamped lately, no time. Go to the back and talk to Jade and she'll tell you what to do and what to wear," Perrie said, shoving him into the back room where a girl with loose brown curls pulled up into a messy bun, was hunched over a cookbook as she tired to make a new recipe of chocolate chunk cupcakes.

"Excuse me?" Louis asked, his voice sounding small.

Jade looked up, flour on her cheeks and frosting on her nose. She smiled, "Hey! Are you a newbie?"

Louis nodded and walked over to her. "I'm Louis, Louis Anders."

"Well hello Louis Anders, I'm Jade Thirlwall, welcome to Little Mix bakery! Where we 'mix ingredients for delicious food'! Clever isn't it? Perrie came up with the name and I thought of the slogan! Along with Perrie and I, there are two other girls that work here. Their names are Jesy and Leigh-Anne. They have the day off today, but you'll love them!"

Louis smiled at her energy and followed her like a lost puppy as she went through the things he needed to do and where certain things went. By the time she finished, it was time for closing. Louis giggled at her pout, but followed Perrie to fill in a application so he could be put on payroll.

"Here, I'll give you a ride home. I carpool with Jade anyway, so it's not too much of a problem," Perrie said, smiling as she locked up.

"Um, it's ok. I can walk," Louis said quietly.

"Nonsense! C'mon!"

Louis reluctantly followed Perrie and Jade to her car and quietly sat in the back.

"So Louis, where do you live?" Perrie asked as she stopped at a stoplight.

Louis peeked out the window and saw a decent looking alley he could stay in until he found something more permanent.

 "Right here's fine. See you tomorrow," he said and quickly climbed out of the car and into the alley, missing the concerned and curious looks from the two women.

He didn't see them park at the next spot available as he sat down on the hard floor. He didn't see them rush over to him as pulled his knees up to his chest and place his forehead on his legs. He didn't see them crouch down next to him, but he felt a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Louis, are you alright? Do you not have a home?" Perrie asked him gently.

Louis quietly shook his head. No, he does not have a home.

"C'mon, you're coming with me," Perrie said, helping him up and grabbing his backpack.

"W-why? Last time someone did that, it ended with me leaving. I...I don't wanna be given false hope again, I just want a place to call home. I just want a family," he said, tears slowly falling down his cheeks.

Perrie pulled him into a hug and Jade wrapped her arms around his other side, and they stood there, in the darkened alleyway with the sun setting in the distance. It was quiet while Louis hiccuped into the crook of Perrie's neck, hugging her tightly.

"I know a couple, an older couple, that you can stay with. They don't have any children, but they have an extra room and will gladly take you in. Their names are Mark and Jay Tomlinson and they are the sweetest people you'll ever meet," Perrie whispered into Louis's ear.

Louis smiled. "Thank you," he whispered back.

The girls pulled back and Perrie wiped the tears from Louis's eyes. "You're welcome honey. Everyone deserves a family."

So Louis followed them back to Perrie's car and smiled as she drove him to the house. They soon pulled into the suburbs and into the driveway of a quaint white sided house. It was too big and it wasn't too small; it was perfect.

Louis grabbed his backpack and they walked up to the front door, where Perrie pushed the doorbell and stood back and smiled, waiting patiently. The door swung open to reveal a women who looked to be in her early to mid forties with a small smile on her face.

"Hello Perrie, hello Jade. Who is this?" she asked with a smile.

"This is Louis," Perrie explained, "He's a new worker and he doesn't have, well..."

"Anything or anybody," Louis supplied quietly.

"And we were wondering if he could stay with you."

Her face softened, "Oh goodness yes! How old are you honey?"

"Nineteen," Louis answered quietly.

He was ushered inside and into the kitchen where a plate full of food was set in front of him. The women sat at the table and chatted quietly while Louis quickly downed the fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and corn. After his dishes had been cleared, they went into the living room where they told him everything that had happened up to that point. They eyed him sadly, just like Niall and Zayn, only they look more...determined? Irritated? He didn't know.

Jade suddenly stood up and walked into another room where he heard her talk a minute later. She must have called someone. When she finished, she walked back in and plopped on the couch with a sigh.

"He's coming over," she said, causing Perrie and Jay (whose name he just learned) to nod.

Louis's mind wandered as to who it could be. He didn't know many people nowadays, so it could have been either Zayn or Niall. How long had he been from Niall's? It couldn't have been too long. The shop closed rather early, possibly two o'clock, and then he was at Little Mix until six. So, it couldn't be later than about eight now.

There was a knock on the door, signalling someone's arrival. Jay stood up and walked to the door, hearing her cheerful voice and people coming in. She walked back in and Louis looked up to see two people he's never seen before. A blonde with curly hair and...him. The green eyes from two months ago! The one that pushed him!

Louis scrambled to stand up, the green eyes staring at him with such hatred, it made Louis's head spin.

"What's that _thing_ doing here?" he spat.

Perrie stood up and stood inches from his face. " _He's_ living here with Jay until he can get back on his feet and get a place of his own."

"Mooching off people now? I meant what I said then, and I mean what I say now: trash like you need to be off the streets."

"He is off the streets, can't you see? Harry, for god sake he's only nineteen! Do we need to remind you what happened when you were nineteen?"

That shut Harry up. His jaw clenched and his hands were tight in fists. "C'mon Taylor, we're going home."

With a spin of his heel, he grabbed the poor girl's wrist and waltzing out of the house.

Perrie turned to Louis, who was shaking, and pulled him into a hug. "I'm sorry about him, he's just...he hasn't come to terms with things yet. He's only twenty-three, he still hasn't escaped the demons of his childhood."

Louis wondered what she meant by that, but he kept his mouth shut. Instead, he hugged her back and thanked her for her kindness.

\--

_home_

_/hōm/_  
_noun_  
_the place where one lives permanently, esp. as a member of a family or household._  
_synonyms: residence, place of residence, house, apartment, flat, bungalow, cottage; accommodations, property, quarters, rooms, lodgings; a roof over one's head; address, place; informalpad, digs; hearth, nest; formaldomicile, abode, dwelling, dwelling place, habitation_

\--

It's been six months since Louis first moved in with the Tomlinsons. He grew close to them and they adopted him as their son officially as of August 15. He took their last name and now went by Louis Tomlinson. Jay taught him stuff he missed being home schooled at the orphanage. It didn't have the best educational system, but he still learned the basics.

He's been working happily at Little Mix for that time too, quickly befriending the four girls. By now, he has long forgotten about Niall and Zayn, but he still can't help but think about them every once in a great while.

His twentieth birthday is coming up soon, and he knows the girls are planning something, they aren't that great at hiding the confetti and notes about what to bring, like cake. Birthday cakes are nice at a birthday party, typically.

It was the Saturday before Louis's birthday and he was in back, rolling out dough to make sugar cookies to decorate and sell. This time of year, little kids liked to eat the sugar cookies in the shapes of Christmas trees, Santas, and reindeer. Louis bought a new cookie cutter in the shape of star, and he used that to make cookies and decorate in yellow sugar.

After he put a pan into the oven and took off his oven mitts, a blindfold was placed over his eyes, cautious of his glasses.

"My cookies!" he whined as he was led out of the bakery.

"Leigh's got them," Jade said in his ear.

Louis giggled and allowed himself to be led to what he assumed to be a car, and climbed inside. He was driven not too far away, he suspects they're not having a party at someone's house, rather an old building space they've rented for the night. He was brought inside where he was led carefully up two flights of stairs before his blindfold was removed. He smiled widely at his group of friends and family. He turned and hugged Jade tightly, chanting "thank you! thank you! thank you!" a dozen times. She just laughed and hugged him back.

Louis will remember that night for as long as he lives. It's the first, and only, birthday party he's ever had, but he doesn't tell them that. They somehow already knew.

The night is spent dancing, laughing, and stuffing their faces. Louis doesn't remember laughing this hard. His cheeks hurt from smiling so much and his gut aches from laughing.

As he's getting punch, a hand shoots out, causing him to spill his punch onto the floor in the process. He's about to protest before he pushed up against a wall with his lips inches away from someone else's.

"W-what...Harry?" he whispered, hands traveling down his sides and gripping his hips.

"I'm sorry," was whispered, "I've...I've been such a jerk to you. I can't take the looks of hurt whenever I'm near you anymore."

Louis looked into the green eyes inches away from his and gave him a small smile. "Shit happens right? I just have one question though...why?"

Harry put his forehead on Louis's and sighed. "I've just...you remind me so much of who I used to be, what I used to do. I was a terrible person Louis, and I don't wanna be him again."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Just be yourself, help me forget about my dark past."

"I'll only be able to do that if you learn to let go."

 Harry chuckled humorlessly, still holding Louis close to him. "It's not as easy as you think."

"Tell me," Louis said softly, "Tell me what happened so I can help you."

"It's not something I can say all at once. I need...I need time to think it out...and stuff."

The corner of Louis's mouth twitched up in a small smile. "Ok. In the meantime, let's be civil toward one another yeah? Let's get to know each other and become friends."

"What if I don't wanna be friends?" Harry whispered, "What if I...want something more?"

"Harry, that's absurd. I barely know you."

"People have started relationships on less."

"Harry...I can't. Please don't push me."

It was quiet a moment before Harry nodded, backing up. "Yeah, ok, sure. See ya around."

"Harry, we can still be friends," Louis said, watching Harry turn for the exit.

Harry stopped and shook his head. "Whatever Louis. Goodbye."

Louis sighed as he watched Harry's retreating figure. He shook his head and walked back to the party, smiling as if nothing had just occurred.

\--

_jok·er_

_/jōkər/_  
_noun_  
_a person who is fond of joking._  
_synonyms: humorist, comedian, comedienne, comic, wit, clown, card, jokester, jester, wisecracker, wag; prankster, practical joker, hoaxer, trickster_

\--

Louis giggled quietly as he and Perrie hid behind the corner of the shop while their prank on Jade, Jesy, and Leigh-Anne worked its way out. It was now March and it was just starting to warm up. The snow was almost gone, but there was still a slight chill in the air. Perrie and him decided to put water balloons above the door, so when the three girls entered the shop, they'd be drenched in water.

Jade was the first one to go through, most of the balloons landing on her. The others crashed onto Jesy and Leigh-Anne, soaking all three. Perrie and Louis had a hard time stiffling their laughter, they were laughing so hard. Jade heard them and stomped over, glaring at the two.

"It's fucking freezing as hell out there, what made you think this was a good idea?!" she snapped.

"Well, considering hell is hot, aren't the balloons a good thing?" Louis said in between giggles.

Jade glared at them before stomping away. Jesy and Leigh-Anne were chuckling under their breath at Jade. Sure, they were a bit mad, but it was just a joke. It was just for a bit of fun. Louis sighed and shook his head, walking into the men's restroom and going into a stall. He ran a hand through his hair as he squatted, his hand gripping his hair.

He was overreacting, surely, but he couldn't help it. It's just, some things would spark a flashback, and he was never good at handling those.

_"Won't she be mad? It's the middle of Winter and she's about to get a bucket of water dropped on her," Louis said, his twelve year old mind racing with a mix of curiosity and adrenaline._

_Seth snickered, "Of course she will. She'll be absoultely pissed."_

_"Then why are we doing it?"_

_"Because it's funny. Now stop asking questions or she'll hear."_

_Louis pressed his lips tightly together as they hid around the corner. The front door opened and Mrs. Robins walked in, the bucket falling and drenching her in the cold water. Her grey hair clung to her face and her clothes dripped with excess water. She opened her eyes and looked at the two boys in rage._

_"Run!" Seth yelled._

_Louis and Seth took off quickly, heading in the opposite direction of the front door and Mrs. Robins. They could hear her yelling their names as they dashed around the other children in an attempt to get out the back door. Even in her old age, she managed to catch to them and grabbing the closest boy, which happened to be Louis._

Louis thought his life would end that day. He can clearly remember her dull brown eyes boring into his blue ones, filling him with a sense of dread. He remembers the scolding and the beating he received after and never talking to Seth again, who got out of punishment.

He tightly gripped on his hair at the memory. Tears streamed steadily down his face and it took all of his will to not scream in fear and frustrations. His inner demons not willing to leave him alone, even after all this time.

Once he got his breathing back to normal, he stood up, his joints popping after being in the same position for so long. He walked out of the stall and went up to the sink and splashed water on his face, wanting all evidence that he had been crying gone.

He stood up and almost screamed when he saw Perrie standing there with her arms crossed, her blue eyes watching him carefully.

"You're not ok," was all she said.

Louis ran a hand over his face before he shook his head. "I have these...memories that keep coming back and they won't leave me alone. I'm a mess Pez, I need help."

She looked at him sadly before nodding slowly. "You may not like what I'm saying, but Harry would really help you, you two are more alike than you think."

Louis let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. "Yeah, ok. I'll call him...or whatever."

"You need his number first babe."

"Oh yeah. Can I have it?"

Perrie smiled and nodded. The two walked out of the bathroom and into the back, going to where Perrie kept her purse. Perrie grabbed her phone and Louis pulled his out of his back pocket. She gave him Harry's number and walked into the front to help a customer.

Louis's fingers hovered over the 'call' button. his hands shaking. Before he had a chance to back out, he hit 'call' and brought the phone to his ear, listening to it ring as he waited.

As soon as Harry answered, Louis spoke. "Hi Harry, it's me, Louis. We need to talk."

 --

_mem·o·ry_

_/mem(ə)rē/_  
_noun_  
_1\. the faculty by which the mind stores and remembers information._  
_the mind regarded as a store of things remembered._  
_synonyms: ability to remember, powers of recall_  
_2\. something remembered from the past; a recollection._  
_synonyms: recollection, remembrance, reminiscence; impression_

\--

The café they were seated in was quiet save for a few patrons and some workers. Louis sighed as he took a tiny sip of his hot chocolate in his hands, after blowing on it first to cool it down.

"So," he said finally, "Hi."

Harry smirked and took a sip of his tea. "Hi."

"So, um, I called so we could talk."

"About what?"

"Um...I kinda had a meltdown today in the bakery, and Perrie heard me and said we were more alike than I originally thought. What...what does she mean by that?"

Harry took a shaky breath and set his drink on the table. "I, um...I haven't had the greatest past. Are you really sure you wanna know? If you know, you're kinda getting stuck with me. I don't like a lot of people knowing."

Louis nodded, his blue eyes searching Harry's green ones. "I promise," he whispered.

Harry nodded and took a deep breath. "Well...you should know, first of all, my dad wasn't the happiest of people, he was always so bitter. He used to yell at our servants just for the hell of it, watching their muscles freeze up in fear, cowering against the nearest wall. He had a bad temper, you never wanted to make him mad, like ever.

"So, when I was around nine, I had gone to a friend's house that day, and only my mum knew. I knew my dad would say no, he didn't really like this friend, said he was a bad influence on me. At the time though, I didn't care. I was tired of all my father's rules. After my mum died, he was so strict on me, and I absolutely hated it.

"So, I went to my friend's house. Honestly, if I was looking to rebel, I picked the worst way to do it. My dad was _furious_. Not only was he angry I snuck out, but that I went to that friend's house. We went home and I got the spanking of a lifetime, couldn't sit right for a week.

"That's not the point of this story, I was just giving you like, background information. Stuff to help explain how severe he is. Anyway, he was this big, successful doctor that everybody knew and loved, and he wanted me to follow in his footsteps. I told him I wanted to be a lawyer, I always enjoyed helping other people.

"He didn't take that very well and began blaming other people for our problems. He mainly blamed the homeless because they couldn't defend themselves anyway. Well, I don't know what happened, but his works...they sunk in, and I began blaming the homeless for everything. If I lost a case, it'd be because of the guy who lived on the corner had kept begging for money until I gave him some. If I filed a paper wrong, it'd be because of the homeless man I tripped on and scattered my papers about. I began to hate them.

"My dad did accept me becoming a lawyer because he did get to me in one way, and that was that homeless people are worthless. But...when I saw you...I knew you were different. I knew that not everything was because of you, and all the homeless people. After I met you, I began to question everything I did. You know that blonde girl you met when Jade called me over? Taylor? Well, she was a blind date I was on that my Aunt set up, but after I saw you, I called off the date and we became good friends."

Louis bit his bottom lip as he listened to Harry. He nodded slowly. "I'm sorry you had a dad like that. The only thing I remember is my dad walking out on me," Louis said quietly with a sigh, "But, I'm willing to accept everything about you. We all have baggage."

Harry smiled, "Thank you Louis, really. And I'm willing to accept everything that comes with you."

Louis chuckled, "Let's go home, I think the girls are worrying about me a bit too much."

"Why do you say that?"

Louis gestured to the girls as they walked up. Harry laughed and shook his head as he turned back to face Louis.

"So...can you tell me a memory you remember to help explain yourself?"

Louis smiled as he gazed down on the table, thoughts filling his mind. His smile dropped as he remembered one, taking a deep breath, and telling Harry.

_"I swear to god, if you get us in trouble again, I'm never speaking to you again! My bum still hurts from the last beating," Louis hissed to Seth._

_Seth scoffed, "Stop being so uptight, the old hag won't catch us. She can barely catch her breath."_

_Louis was still cautious, but he nodded anyway, following Seth into the parlor. Once there, he watched as Seth filled Mrs. Robins's shoes with mud. Louis bit his bottom lip in worry as he filled each to the brim of the foot. Louis heard the creak of the floor boards behind him and he froze. Slowly, he turned around to be met with a very mean, very angry Mrs. Robins._

_"And what exactly do you think you two are doing?" she asked._

_Seth jumped and dropped the bucket to the floor._

_"It was his idea!" he yelled, pointing at Louis, who was staring at him wide-eyed. "I told him we shouldn't do it, but he insisted!"_

_Mrs. Robins clicked her tongue in disapproval. "Again Louis? My my, you must not have learned that last time. Follow me before I drag you and your punishment will be much worse, I can assure you."_

_Louis glared at Seth as he slowly followed Mrs. Robins up the stairs, where he was met with a wooden paddle and a stern faced Mrs. Robins._

"And I kept to my word, I never spoke to him after that," Louis finished, laughing wetly as he quickly wiped the tears from his eyes.

Harry was quiet, taking in all the information. When he didn't respond, Louis stood up quickly and grabbed his drink.

"I, uh, I have to go. I've got a massive batch of cookies to bake soon, and I really must start on them. I'll, uh, I'll call you later," he said as he hurried out the door.

But the thing is, he never did call Harry. Instead, he found himself staring at his phone, how did he know he could trust Harry? Sure, the girls seemed to completely trust him, but he was silent after Louis shared a private memory with him. It seemed to him that Harry wasn't willing to deal with his baggage.

After a few weeks, he could tell the girls were starting to question what had happened. Frankly, Louis didn't know if he wanted to tell them, he himself barely knew in fact. But he was just so tired of hearing goodbye, that he just wanted to leave before the other male could even mutter the word.

Louis was getting antsy, which in turn caused him to get scared. Whenever he got antsy, he'd take off, and he didn't wanna take off here. He finally had a home and a family. He may not be running away, but he really did need to get away. And soon.

He asked the girls if there were any places nearby he could visit and stay overnight. When they said no, he got frustrated. He was anxious and bouncing on the balls of his feet all day. But, on that particular day, before he could even mutter the words "good day sir, what may I get you?" he was being pulled into the bathroom. People in there quickly left at the cold stare they were given by the man who dragged Louis in there.

Louis looked at Harry with fearful eyes, he remembered what happened on the streets all those months back, and he really didn't want a repeat.

"Why haven't you called?" he said instead, his voice softening.

Louis hunched his shoulders. "You didn't respond and I got scared. I've been told goodbye too many times to realise when I'm not wanted."

"But you are," Harry said, "And very much so. I enjoy your company Lou, and I love talking to you. Sure, we haven't had the greatest of conversations, but I enjoyed them."

Louis laughed humorlessly, "Harry, we've only had one proper conversation. I wouldn't exactly count the others as conversation."

Harry rolled his eyes, "Well, I was _trying_ to look at things in a positive light, but, ya know, don't. That's cool too."

Louis just laughed, "You're about the strangest person I've ever met."

"Strange enough to accept a date with?"

Louis blushed, "Sure."

\--

_car·ni·val_

_/kärnəvəl/_  
_noun_  
_a traveling amusement show or circus._  
_synonyms: fair, amusement park, fun fair, amusement show, circus, big top, midway_

\--

Louis grinned widely as Harry led him through the throngs of people that were buying food, talking, or waiting in line for a ride. The smell of corn dogs and popcorn filled the air, and Louis was giddy. This was his first carnival and he fully intended on enjoying it to its fullest.

Harry led Louis to the ticket booth where he bought two bracelets they could wear instead of buying all the tickets. Harry then led him over to a ride with the shortest line.

"I figured we could ride all the spinny rides before we wat, so we can say we've ridden them, but not get sick!" Harry explained happily.

Louis smiled and nodded, "Makes sense."

Harry smiled as they got on, sitting in one of the cars near the back. They sat down and brought the lap bar over them. Once everybody had boarded, the ride started. It started off slow, the track their car was on slowly moving until it started picking up speed. Soon, they were moving quickly, the car they were on spinning around the corners.

Once the ride had ended, they climbed out, beaming as they watched a few people get off and throw up in nearby garbage cans. They rode the rest of the spinning rides before Harry suggested they get something to eat.

They walked to a booth that sold burgers and bought two with chips and a drink. Louis blushed as Harry paid for their food; they sat down at a nearby picnic table with their, smiling at one another.

"Harry, you need to stop buying stuff for me," Louis said as he put ketchup on his burger.

"But I invited you on this date, and whoever invites, pays," Harry explained.

"Is that how we're gonna do this now?"

"Yes."

"I think I can agree to that."

"Good, because I already decided on that. That, and I'm gonna invite you to every date."

Louis sputtered, "I'm perfectly capable of paying for things."

"Yeah, but I'm also a lawyer and you're what, a baker?"

Louis narrowed his eyes, "Well. See if said baker will agree to a second date."

"Louis," Harry said softly.

"Ok one," Louis said, holding up a finger, "Don't ' _Louis_ ' me. Two, I was just kidding you curly headed dork."

Harry rolled his eyes and pulled off the pickles on his burger.

"How can you not like pickles?!" Louis screeched, "Gimme!"

Harry chuckled and handed the pickles to Louis, who ate them happily.

The rest of the time, they spent laughing and riding rides. At one point, Harry even won Louis a giant stuffed teddy bear like a cliché date. As they drove home, Louis found himself smiling into the bear. This was honestly the best night of his life. He doesn't remember being this happy, even after a year of working at Little Mix and being adopted, he's never been this happy.

"Thank you," Louis said quietly into the dark car.

Harry turned and gave him a quick smile before focusing back on the road. "No problem Lou, anything to see your smile.

And yeah, Louis was blushing like mad.

\--

_boy·friend_

_/boiˌfrend/_  
_noun_  
_a regular male companion with whom one has a romantic or sexual relationship._  
_synonyms: lover, sweetheart, beloved, darling, dearest, man, guy, escort, suitor; paramour; partner, significant other, companion; informalfella, (main) squeeze, flame, steady, BF, boo, toy boy, boy toy, sugar daddy; literaryswain; datedbeau, young man, man friend_

\--

"BooBear!" Perrie called obnoxiously from the front of the store.

Louis groaned and walked to the front to see his boyfriend, Harry, standing there talking to Perrie as he approached.

"Do you mind not shouting Harry's pet name for me across the store?" Louis asked as he hung up his apron.

"Nope," she replied quickly, "S'why I did it."

"Bitch," he mumbled under his breath as he and Harry walked out the door hand in hand.

"I heard that!"

Louis snickered quietly while Harry just shook his head, smiling fondly.

"You're a nuisance," he said fondly.

"Careful Harry, your fond is showing," Louis giggled.

Harry blushed and ducked his head down, gently squeezing Louis's hand. It had been eight months since their first date and Louis had fallen hard for Harry. Harry was just so sweet to him. Holding open doors for him, cooking dinner, taking him on dates. Despite his remarks at the carnival, Louis loved when Harry spoiled him. It made him feel young again. Like he finally got what he missed out on as a kid.

Currently, Harry was taking him to the graveyard where his mother lay. Louis felt as if he were intruding, but Harry insisted. They walked up to the gravestone and Harry knelt in front of it, pulling the tall grass in front of the stone. Louis smiled and watched as Harry mourned in peace.

Harry soon looked up and motioned him forward. Louis knelt next to Harry and smiled at him while Harry spoke to his mother about him. Louis blushed like mad, but let Harry do what he wanted.

"Hi mum, this is Louis. He's the boy I've been telling you about, my boyfriend," Harry started, causing Louis to blush like mad. "He's really mum, you'd like him. I know I do."

Louis looked into Harry's bright green eyes and smiled. "I love you too Harry," he whispered.

Harry gently cupped his cheek and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. Louis smiled and returned the kiss, loving the feeling of his lips on Harry's.

"I don't think I'll ever get used to this," he whispered after a beat.

"What? Being kissed?" Harry asked quietly.

Louis shook his head, "Being loved. The girls and the Tomlinsons do love me, but not like you do. I'm not used to pure love."

Harry gave him a crooked smile, "I don't think anybody has unless they fall in love. And in that case, I'm glad I fell for you."

Louis blushed, "I'm glad I fell for you too. You're so good to me."

"I only treat a prince how he deserves to be treated."

"I love you Harry. So much it hurts sometimes."

"And I love you Louis, to the moon and back."

"And back again," Louis said quietly.

"And back again," Harry repeated, sealing it with a kiss to Louis's lips.

Harry finished talking to his mum and they left about fifteen minutes later. Their hands swung between them as they walked along the cracked sidewalk to the nearest ice cream shop. Harry held the door open, causing Louis to turn the color of a tomato, and they walked inside. Harry got chocolate chip cookie dough, and Louis got Vanilla bean.

"I like things simple," he explained, "Why over-complicate a simple ice cream flavor, when all of them are just as good? The simpler, the better."

Harry smiled and kissed his temple. "I agree. Why complicate things when they can easily be so simple?"

Louis hummed and licked his ice cream. "People tend to make things complicated as a form of entertainment. They enjoy watching people suffer and squirm. They pick fights. Even over the stupidest of stuff."

"Give me an example," Harry challenged.

Louis thought for a moment before he smiled. "You know those...stupid boy bands that my cousins listen to? Oh, what's their name? Five Directions or something like that. Well, there's this bromance that's apparently really popular, and there's those shippers that fight with the people who think that one of them and his girlfriend are together.

"My thoughts are that people look too much for something to argue about. Like, their whole life depends on being right and proving others wrong. What's wrong with living in harmony? And then there's the bromance shippers who fight amongst themselves over something as stupid as who tops. Can you believe that?

"And sometimes, they get so defensive, they forget to realise that _no one cares_. Honestly. People have their opinions, so why do people feel the need to trash others? For the enjoyment of watching people suffer? To watch them squirm? Like I said, people just pick fights for the fun of it."

Harry quirked an eyebrow. "Sounds like somebody is talking from experience."

Louis rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "My cousins are the opposite ends of the bromance issue, and they get along well, so they both see the sides of both the gay shippers and het shippers. Honestly, both sides are bad. I just...I hate seeing my cousins get hurt. I'm sorry. This conversation could very easily be avoided."

"Who knew ice cream could lead to such a heated discussion," Harry said, licking his own ice cream.

Louis rolled his eyes. "Shut up and eat."

\--

_past_

_/past/_  
_noun_  
_the time or a period of time before the moment of speaking or writing._  
_synonyms: formerly, previously, in days/years/times gone by, in former times, in the (good) old days, in days of old, in olden times, once (upon a time); literary in days of yore, in yesteryear_

\--

Louis hummed a quiet tune as he walked down the fairly quiet street of London. Considering the time of day, he wasn't surprised to see not to many people out and about. He loved walking early in the mornings. No one typically bothered him, and he could enjoy the cool morning breeze on his face and watch the sunrise on the horizon. He kicked a loose pebble on the sidewalk and sighed heavily. It's been a week since he's held more a two word conversation with Harry, and he was starting to get concerned. What if he didn't wanna talk to Louis, or what if something had happened? He tried texting Harry and calling him, but he either never responded or it went to voice mail.

The girls gave him sad looks, like they knew something he didn't, and if that wasn't the icing on the cake...he didn't know what was. He felt lethargic and like he had been run over by a truck. He had that feeling again...the feeling that a goodbye was coming. He didn't think he could handle it this time. It would tear his heart to shreds, metaphorically of course.

When the sun finished its early morning rising, and the time on Louis's phone read eight o'clock, he walked back to the bakery with a sigh. He pulled open the door and froze when he saw Harry and a familiar figure standing at the counter talking to Perrie and Jesy. Perrie waved and Harry and the older woman turned and looked at him, both giving him a smile.

"What do you want?" he asked bluntly to the woman.

"Can't a mother come see her son?" she asked.

"You're not my mum, you lost that right when you dropped me off at the orphanage. Besides, Jay is a better mother than you ever were."

"But I'm your birth mother."

"I don't care!" Louis snapped, "Because of your decision, my life has been nothing but hell for nine years of my life. I have been beaten, slurred at, looked at in the most disgusted of ways, and ignored because people don't like hobos, and that orphanage was hell! I was beaten everyday! So no, the woman who I used to call my mother cannot come and see me."

When no one said anything, he continued.

"I trusted you. After dad left, I was a wreck. Even though I could barely talk, it still affected me. You acted like I didn't even matter anymore. After grandma died, you didn't even spare me a second look. Your own son for christ sake! How the fuck do you think _I_ was feeling?! Grandma actually loved me! I hate you. I hate you so much, and I never wanna see you again," Louis yelled, tears in his eyes.

He turned on his heel and stormed out of the bakery, not giving it a second glance. He was furious and hurt. How dare she come to see him and act as if nothing had happened between them. She had no right! Maybe he was a tad harsh, but in his defense, he was abandoned. She hasn't even attempted to contact him since then.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, but he ignored it as he continued walking; he didn't even know where he was going anymore. He passed a building that looked familiar. In fact, it looked like the complex where Niall and Zayn lived. He grinned and crossed the streets, skipping up the steps, and walking to the flat. He knocked quickly and stepped back as he heard feet approaching.

"Well I'll be damned," a familiar Irish accent rang out. "Never thought I'd see you again. C'mon in, Zayn will be happy to see ya."

Louis gave Niall a small smile and stepped in. He quietly toed off his shoes and walked into the living room, smiling at Zayn.

"Well shit. If it isn't Louis Anders," Zayn said, getting up and pulling the younger male into a hug.

"It's uh, it's Tomlinson now. Got adopted 'bout a year ago," Louis replied, hugging back.

"Congrats! That's great to hear! You're what, twenty now? Damn. We've got a lot to catch up on," Zayn smiled.

Louis chuckled and nodded, "Yeah we do, but first, tell me what's happened between you two since I've been gone."

Niall blushed as the three of them sat on the couch. "Well um, we got engaged."

Louis squealed, "Who asked who?"

"Zayn asked me," Niall blushed and held out his hand to show Louis the ring. "He asked last...April."

"It's beautiful," Louis whispered, examining the silver ring with awe.

"Thanks! So, anything happen to your own love life?"

"Well...there's this guy..." Louis blushed.

"Spill. We want all the details."

And so, the next ten minutes were spent about Louis gushing over Harry, and Niall and Zayn listening happily. And then, Louis proceeded to tell them everything that happened after he left, about the girls, about the Tomlinsons, everything.

By the time he finished, he noticed the time and saw that he had dozens of missed calls and texts from Harry and the girls. Even one from Jay. He got Zayn and Niall's house phone and dashed out the door with a promise to keep in touch.

When he got back to the bakery, Harry looked furious and the girls looked concerned and worried.

"Where the hell were you, and why weren't you answering your phone?" Harry asked once Louis got into ear shot.

"I was at a friend's and my phone was on silent. Last I checked, you weren't my babysitter," Louis snapped.

"Well excuse me for being concerned!"

"Then how do you explain bringing my birth mother to the bakery? Huh? That sure wasn't concern. Unlike you Harry, I hate my mum, she abandoned me. I'm not gonna just take her back all willy-nilly, and expect for things to be fine."

Harry's face softened and he sighed. "Sorry. I thought you'd wanna meet your birth mum."

Louis shook his head. "No. I never wanna see her again, she hurt me Harry. She was the one person I could rely on, and she left. I was only ten! I didn't know what was even going on until she left."

Harry wrapped his arms around the smaller man's waist and pulled him into his chest. Louis put his hands on Harry's chest and squeezed his eyes shut, a few tears slipping out.

"I didn't like it at the orphanage Harry, Mrs. Robins used to beat me," he cried into Harry's shirt, gripping it tightly.

Harry rubbed his back while he held him tightly. Louis felt a kiss pressed to the top of his head and he looked up at Harry through watery eyes. Harry smiled down at him and bent down to gently kiss his lips. Louis smiled and reached up to cup Harry's cheek.

"Harry?" Louis asked in a small voice when he pulled back.

"Yeah, Boo?" Harry replied, rubbing small circles into Louis's hip.

"Can you...can you promise to never leave me?"

Harry smiled and kissed him again. "I promise," he whispered, "Never again will I be without you."

Louis blushed hotly, but smiled. "I love you."

"I love you too. To the moon and back."

"And back again."

\--

 _you are my sunshine_  
my only sunshine.  
you make happy  
when skies are grey.  
you'll never know, dear,  
how much I love you.  
please don't take my sunshine away.

\--

"Harry."

"Louis."

"Stop."

"Go."

Louis looked over at his boyfriend and quirked an eyebrow. "Do you mind? I'm trying to read."

Harry smirked and plucked the book from his hands, causing him to scoff. "Let's watch a film."

"Which one?" Louis asked, looking over at the entertainment center (he had moved in with Harry the previous month), scanning the different titles. "I vote for _Message In a Bottle_."

"Not here. Let's go to the cinema down the street. I hear they're playing a new film. Weren't you saying how you've wanted to see _I, Frankenstein_?"

Louis beamed, "I have been meaning to catch that."

"It's a date," Harry said, kissing Louis's nose before standing up. He held out his hand toward Louis and smiled. "Coming cutie?"

Louis blushed and took Harry's hand, standing up next to him. They quickly slipped on their shoes and walked hand in hand down to the nearest cinema that _I, Frankenstein_ was playing at. Their hands swung between them as they walked, talking to one another quietly. By the time they reached their destination, Louis's cheeks were flushed from laughing and blushing.

Harry held the door open for Louis, causing him to blush harder than before. Harry bought the tickets for the two of them and some popcorn (extra butter per Louis's request). They walked into the theatre that was playing the film and sat down in the back corner. Louis snuggled under Harry's arm as they waited for the movie to begin. Louis quietly munched on his popcorn as Harry silently carded a hand through his hair.

"Hey Lou?" Harry asked suddenly.

"Hmm?" Louis hummed, chewing popcorn silently in his mouth.

 "Do you ever wonder what happened to your dad?"

Louis swallowed and played with the edge of the popcorn bowl silently.

"I'm sorry Lou, I didn't mean-"

"It's fine," Louis interrupted, "I'd wonder that too. The thing is...I do know what happened."

_"Dad?"_

_A large man with caramel colored hair similar to Louis's own hair stopped and turned around from where he was standing. He was walking with a petite brunette and young child with hair similar to the female. Louis assumed them to be his new wife and child._

_"Louis?" his dad whispered._

_"What...I missed you," Louis said finally._

_"Missed?"_

_"Miss, oh my god. Dad I miss you so much!" Louis cried, falling into his father's arms._

_It may have looked a bit funny for an eighteen year old to be hugging his dad, crying, but Louis didn't care; he finally found his dad._

_"Louis, please, get off of me."_

_Louis quickly pulled back and beamed at his dad. "Why'd you leave mum?" was the first thing out of his mouth._

_"I, uh, I met someone else," he said, gesturing to the other woman. "Speaking of your mum, how is she?"_

_Louis clenched his jaw. "I wouldn't know. The bitch dropped me off at an orphanage first chance she could."_

_"Don't speak about your mum that way Louis!" he scolded._

_"I was ten, dad! Old enough to remember, and I have full reason to be mad at her. You would be too."_

_"I'm sure she had her reasons."_

_"No she didn't!"_

_"Louis, son, calm down. Please."_

_Louis huffed and shook his head, looking down. "If you never would have left, I wouldn't be here. I'd actually have a home where people loved me, where I wasn't beaten for misbehaving. Hell, I'd have a roof over my head."_

_Louis's dad, Jon, sighed heavily. "I'm sorry Lou, I really am."_

"After that, I lost contact with him and haven't spoken to him since," Louis said in a quiet voice.

"I'm sorry Lou," Harry said, pulling Louis in close and kissing the top of his head.

Louis just shook his head. "Let's watch the film, yeah?"

By the time it ended, Louis was both filled with adrenaline and tired. He didn't even know he could be filled with those two emotions at once, but they somehow did. Louis skipped ahead a bit and giggled as he turned the corner. Harry was still around the corner when Louis could hear brakes screech across the pavement and the sound of metal crunching against bricks.

"Harry!" Louis yelled, running back around the corner, only to see a wreck of metal where Harry was just standing. "No!"

Tears streamed down Louis's face quickly as he started hyperventilating, frozen in his spot. He could hear police sirens as people crowded around the wreck of metal and rubber. Louis wordlessly walked forward, despite people telling him not to. He could see blood near the wall and he fell to his knees with a sob.

"You promised me, Harry! You promised you'd never leave me!" Louis cried as a paramedic gently pulled him away. "You promised."

\--

_And I, I can't come alive_  
_I want the room to take me under_  
_'Cause I can't help but wonder_  
_What if I had one more night for goodbye?_  
_If you're not here to turn the lights off, I can't sleep_  
_These four walls and me_

\--

Louis was numb as people rushed around him, staring blankly at the pavement ahead of him.

"Louis?"

Louis looked up blankly at Perrie, who was crying, but looked concerned at Louis.

"He's gone," Louis whispered. "He broke his promise."

"What promise, Louis?" she asked gently.

"He promised he'd never leave me."

Perrie pulled him into his arms just as a sob ripped through him. He held her tightly, burying his face into the crook of her neck and sobbing, his whole body shaking. She held him wordlessly, rubbing his back and letting a few tears of her own fall.

By the time Perrie brought Louis home, he was a wreck. Once he saw Jay, he abandoned Perrie's arms for hers. She brought him into his and Harry's room and gently sat him on the bed. Once Louis had fallen asleep, she tucked him in and quietly left the room.

\--

_I lay in bed_  
_Can't seem to leave your side_  
_Your pillow's wet_  
_From all these tears I've cried_  
_I won't say goodbye_  
  
_I tried to smile today_  
_Then I realised there's no point anyway_

\--

Louis gripped tightly onto Harry's pillow and buried his face into it, crying as he inhaled Harry's scent. He had had a restless night's sleep without Harry's warm body pressed against his own and woke up screaming. Luckily, the girls had stayed the night and rushed in when they heard him. They were currently sprawled across the floor, fast asleep while Louis laid awake in bed. He smiled when he remembered the first time they had sex. Or, as Harry liked to say, make love.

_"Are you sure?"_

_"Harry, I'm sure. Just, please."_

_Harry nodded and kissed down Louis's bare chest until he reached the edge of Louis's boxers. He quickly pulled them off and wrapped his hand around Louis's slowly hardening member. Louis gasped as Harry leaned up to kiss him. As soon as they were both naked, Louis flipped them and took the tip of Harry's cock into his mouth and sucked on it before slowly taking the rest in._

_Harry moaned and tangled a hand into Louis's hair and gave it a gentle yank. Louis moaned around Harry as he took the rest of him in. He stayed like for a beat and started bobbing his head up and down._

_"Uh, fuck Lou. So good, your mouth feels so good," Harry panted out._

_Louis pulled off and quickly kissed Harry as he allowed to be flipped over. He smiled up at Harry as his legs were put on his shoulders and a lubed finger was brought to his hole. He scrunched his nose at the pain, but moaned quietly when it started feeling better. Soon, he was rocking down on three of Harry's fingers as they were being jabbed into his prostate._

_Harry went to grab the condom, but Louis brushed it away. When Harry looked confused, Louis sat up and gently kissed his lips before laying back down and wiggling his hips. Harry smiled and lubed up quickly before lining up._

_He slowly pushed in, leaning down and bending Louis in half as he went in deeper. Louis squeezed his eyes shut as he felt himself being filled up, only to open them as Harry kissed his eyelids._

_"I love you," Harry whispered._

_"I love you too," Louis panted, "To the moon and back."_

_"And back again."_

_Harry then pulled almost all the way out before rocking his hips into Louis. Louis didn't last very long, Harry's cock driving right into his prostate with every thrust. Louis allowed himself to be used to bring Harry closer to an orgasm, clenching around him despite the oversensativity._

_Harry finished not long after, spilling into Louis as he moaned Louis's name into his shoulder. He pulled back and gave Louis a bruising kiss until he was done riding out his high. He gently pulled out and kissed Louis's forehead before going into the bathroom for a rag to wash him down with.  
_

_Louis blinked sleepily up at Harry with a blissed out smile on his face. As soon as Harry climbed in bed with him, he curled into Harry's chest, falling asleep in the comfort of Harry's arms._

Louis would do anything to have those days back. The days where Harry was still alive. But alas, he still lived in a world without Harry.

\--

_mourn·ing_

_/môrniNG/_  
_noun_  
_the expression of deep sorrow for someone who has died, typically involving following certain conventions such as wearing black clothes._  
_synonyms: grief, grieving, sorrowing, lamentation, lament, keening, wailing, weeping_

\--

Louis stared numbly up at Harry's coffin in the front of the church, tears falling down his face at a steady pace. His heart kept breaking over and over again in his chest and he felt like his whole world had come crashing down around him. What had he done to deserve this? All of this? He didn't quite know.

He turned and stared out the window as the priest said something about Harry living a long life (or something of that nature, Louis hadn't paid attention during the whole service). He squeezed his eyes shut as memories rushed through his head, filling them with thoughts about Harry. A sob escaped his mouth and he felt an arm wrap around his shoulders and pull him close as he silently cried in the pew.

By the time it was over, people started filing out, but Louis remained. The priest gave him a small smile before leaving Louis with the coffin. Louis shakily stood up and walked over where the coffin was laying. It had been closed casket, Louis couldn't handle his last view of Harry's body being one where he was...not him.

Louis folded his arms on the top before burying his head in his arms and sobbing. He cried loudly until he felt as if he couldn't cry anymore. When that happened, he stood and kissed the casket before wiping his eyes and walking outside. He chuckled humorlessly as he stood there.

It was raining.

Just like when he first met Harry.

He looked up into the sky and smiled, closing his eyes as he felt the rain fall onto his face. He whispered one last word into the air before walking to where Jay and the girls were standing;

"Goodbye."

\--

_love_

_/ləv/_  
_noun_  
_an intense feeling of deep affection._  
_synonyms: deep affection, fondness, tenderness, warmth, intimacy, attachment, endearment; devotion, adoration, doting, idolization, worship; passion, ardor, desire, lust, yearning, infatuation, besottedness_  
_compassion, care, caring, regard, solicitude, concern, friendliness, friendship, kindness, charity, goodwill, sympathy, kindliness, altruism, unselfishness, philanthropy, benevolence, fellow feeling, humanity_  
_relationship, love affair, romance, liaison, affair of the heart, amour_

**Author's Note:**

> feedback is appreciated. c:


End file.
